The New Evangelical Christian Creed

I am a Christian
I’m just not obliged to acknowledge the founder

I love Jesus
But not enough to obey his teachings

His ways are not my ways
My ways are my ways

I believe in being salt of the earth
as long as that means “making the world a better place”

I believe in the Bible
but it isn’t factual

I believe God spoke to us in His Word
but personal revelation can trump his Word at any time

The Bible speaks words of truth to me
but those words can mean whatever I want

I believe in Heaven and Hell
but what kind of God would condemn you to hell?

Jesus said I will be outcast, set apart and persecuted
but I believe we should ignore our differences and unite by our similarities

I believe in equal rights for all people of all faiths, lifestyles and preferences
Just not for fundamentalists Christians who are the ones keeping the church from growing

God’s Son Jesus was beat, tortured, starved, stabbed, whipped and abused
but God has a wonderful plan for me to prosper and not harm me

I believe we have to be tolerant of everyone
except those who don’t believe what I believe

What I believe is what the church has always believed
at least that is what the emergents tell me

I’m Orthodox to the bone
but lack the spine to support it

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3 Responses to The New Evangelical Christian Creed

  1. Andy says:

    When you stand in front of GOD almighty on the day of judgement and are judged according to your life here on EARTH. (which by the way is the planet your on) I’ll guarantee that none of the crap in this “creed” come out of your mouth. Sounds like a cry for help to me. I hope you find whatever it is your looking for or not looking for. May GOD have mercy on you and keep you.

  2. sarah says:

    Wow! Amazing! Can’t believe some people are like this! This guy who wrote the “creed” doesn’t mean it. Make sure you guys don’t believe this!

    • Rob says:

      Hi Sarah,

      That’s right, please don’t believe it! The above is satire, and is my expression of how I feel the average New Evangelical thinks based on what I’ve seen of them through their own writings and media publications. I certainly don’t believe this myself and would consider myself to be more in line with John MacArthur, James White and those with a reformed theology along the lines of these gentlemen.

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